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Tuesday, October 17, 2017

It's Arrested Development

So this morning, I saw this on Twitter:

And I thought I was being clever by responding:

Later I thought "Wait, Ivanka isn't GOB, Ivanka is Lindsey."

Then I realized, "holy shit, they ARE the Bluths!"

Now the story of a wealthy family who lost everything,
And the one son who had no choice but to keep them all together,
It's Impeached  Development.

Except, in this family, tragically there is no Micheal.

But Donald is definitely George Bluth - a corrupt real estate developer who may have committed some "light treason."

Donald has a brother that he screwed over pretty badly (although not a twin).

Under that hideous combover he's just as bald as Jeffery Tambor.

And he was honestly a pretty terrible father.

Also, another thing he has in common with George: Including one who spoke at the convention.

So, Ivanka is definitely Lindsey Bluth - Funke

Image result for light treason gif

Jared Kushner is Tobias, the unsuccessful son-in-law

Don Jr. and Eric are obviously GOB and Buster

I can't today, I have Army!

Tiffany Trump is not on the show.

I guess that makes Melanoma Trump Lucille?

let's see.. . .

Sarah Huckabee Sanders?


And I guess that would make the American electorate. . .

Monday, October 16, 2017

This is a joke, right?

North Korea EMP attack could ‘shut down US power grid and kill 90% of Americans’

Rachael Revesz,The Independent 9 hours ago
Okay, this is a joke right?

 Experts have warned Congress that it is ignoring a newly-developed weapon from North Korea which could shut down the US power grid and kill the vast majority of Americans within a year.

Oh, "experts," eh?  Who, pray tell, are these "experts?"

William Graham, chairman of the former EMP commission and its former chief of staff, Peter Vincent Pry, warned the hearing that such an attack could “shut down the US electric power grid for an indefinite period, leading to the death within a year of up to 90 per cent of all Americans.“

Ah. Okay, so who is William Graham?

 Graham is actually a highly-educated physicist and the model for the character Ron Burgundy.
He has degrees from Cal Tech and Stanford, and maybe should be taken seriously as an expert in. . . wait, what?

In 2013, Graham signed an open letter to President Barack Obama calling on the president to modernize the U.S. nuclear arsenal. It criticized the president’s stated goal of “ridding the world of nuclear weapons,” an aspiration the letter claimed would “result in the unilateral disarmament of the U.S. nuclear deterrent.” The letter insisted that North Korea was “amassing” nuclear weapons know-how “together with other nations hostile to us and our allies—notably, Iran,” which “raises the possibility that the threat posed by North Korea’s nuclear weapons technologies will soon metastasize around the globe.”[1]
Published by the Center for Security Policy, the letter’s signatories included a host of neoconservative pundits and right-wing policy wonks, like Frank Gaffney, Thomas McInerney, James Woolsey, John Bolton, Douglas Feith, Kathleen Bailey, Paul Vallely, and Henry “Hank” Cooper.[2]

Ohhhh. Never mind. He's a nut.
When your writing gets co-signed by guys like Frank Gaffney and John Bolton, there's no need to pretend to take you seriously.

Under President George H.W. Bush, Graham was a member of the Defense Science Board and chaired the committee on the Strategic Defense Initiative—a Reagan-era missile defense project known to its critics as "Star Wars" for its exorbitant cost and fanciful ambitions.[4]

No, yeah, we got it. He's not credible.

During the Clinton administration, Graham served on two congressionally appointed panels chaired by Donald Rumsfeld. One, the Rumsfeld Missile Commission, warned that "rogue states" could attack the United States with ballistic missiles in as little as five years. The other, the Rumsfeld Space Commission, famously cautioned that the United States could face a "Space Pearl Harbor" if it did not take precautions to avoid it.

Okay, okay, he's a loonie! Got it. Thank youuuu!!!


What about the other guy? This Peter Vincent Pry?

**Googles him**

Aaaaaand. . . he's a frequent guest on Jim Bakker's Armageddon and Potato Slop Hour, so there's really no need to look any further into him.

So, are weaponized EMPs a real thing? Well, yes and no. They are certainly being looked at as a way to disable enemy military equipment. And a large enough EMP could certainly knowck out power in in a city. But from everything I've been able to find on-line, EMP weapons don't really exist other than prototypes built by the US. Exploding nuclear bombs does cause EMPs, but the idea of North Korea being able to explode a large enough nuke over the US to shut down the nation's pwer grid seems incredibly implausible.

Two members of the disbanded congressional Electromagnetic Pulse (EMP) commission said at a recent House Homeland Security subcommittee hearing that a nuclear EMP attack from Kim Jong Un was the “biggest threat” to the US yet it remains “unacknowledged” by the government.
More attention has been focused on the regime’s continued testing of intercontinental ballistic missiles this year, but the dictatorship also recently claimed to have tested a hydrogen bomb underground in September.

And, as we all know, the government of North Korea can totally be taken at its word. If they say they have a hydrogen bomb, you can bet they have one even if no one has seen it. You don't know this hydrogen bomb, she goes to a different school, but she's totally real.

But let's say they did. Let's say that Kim Jong Un has a hydrogen bomb that he can drop from, let's say a flying unicorn, that can knock out the electricity in every city and town in the United States from sea to shining sea. How exactly does it follow that 90 percent of Americans would end up dead?

 Former Republican representative Curt Weldon, one of the founders of the former commission, wrote in The Hill last month: "A nuclear EMP attack would destroy electronics everywhere, cause planes to crash, stop cars and rail traffic, blackout electric grids and other critical infrastructures that make modern civilization, and life itself, possible. Eventually, millions would die from starvation, disease, and societal collapse."
And walkers. Don't forget walkers!

Have you ever seen what happens when the power goes out in an American city? People run to Home Depot, buy generators, and use them to power their homes until the electricity is restored. Is the EMP going to also stop gasoline and diesel powered motors from working? And is the EMP going to fry our circuits so badly that they can never be replaced? Will the memories of every single electric engineer be wiped clean by the pulse so that no one will be capable of designing and building new power plants?
You know we used to have no electricity. Then, without using electricity because we didn't have it yet, we built things that made electricity. We made dams, we made turbines, we made coal-fired power plants. Then we strung wires from those electricity-making things to people's houses and businesses so that we could have air conditioning and television and humorous cat videos. Is there some reason we couldn't do that again?

The two former commission members added that North Korea is thought to have 60 nuclear weapons, and its intercontinental ballistic missiles could reach Denver and Chicago, and “perhaps the entire US”.
 This yam? Nuke! That lettuce? Nukes! Those green beans? All nukes!

 Look, there goes one of my nukes. Oh, you missed it. It totally just hit Denver.

Mr Graham and Mr Pry condemned the one-upmanship between Donald Trump and Kim Jong Un, who have called each other “rocket man” and “mentally deranged”, which has worsened tensions between the two countries.
The EMP commission was defunded under the new administration.

Wait. Trump de-funded the EMP commission?
Shit, maybe there is something to this after all.

Wednesday, October 11, 2017

Random Thoughts, musical and otherwise

1. Imagine putting in all the time, effort, and expense it must have taken to create this album cover: 

And then to have this:

be remembered for all time as your "iconic cover art."

What'd that take, like 10 minutes and a pack of Magic Markers?

2. Speaking of Pink Floyd, why in the song "mother," does Roger Waters ask "mother, should I run for President?" when he's an Englishman. They don't even have a president. They have a Prime Minister, and for some inexplicable reason they still have a queen, but no president. I mean, I could see where you can't say "Mother should I run for Prime Minister?" becasue it doesn't really fit and doesn't rhyme with the next line "Mother, should I trust the government?" but you know what does fit and does rhyme? "Mother should I run for Parliament?" Why not say Parliament? It makes no sense. 

 3. Why is the first line of "Easy Like Sunday Morning" I know it sounds funny, but I just can't stand the pain?
 Who is this song intended for? What kind of person would hear someone tell them "I just can't stand the pain" and find that funny? "You can't stand the pain? Ahahahaha!! Oh, that's hilarious!" You'd have to be a psycho.

4. I keep hearing this song called "Rude."
Never by choice., but they play it ove the intercom speakers at work sometimes.
I embedded the video if you want to listen to it, but don't. You'll hate it.

First of all, it's just a really annoying song. It has that faux-Caribbean rhythm that you normally only hear in the cocktail lounge of an all-inclusive resort, and basically it's just a dumb song. But what gets me is the chorus:

Can I have your daughter for the rest of my life? say yes, say yes
Cause I need to know
You say I'll never get your blessing till the day I die
Tough luck my friend but the answer is no!

Okay, I get the idea of going to your intended's parent(s) to ask for their blessing or permission to marry or whatever. It's old-fashioned and corny, but whatever. I guess it makes you look gallant or something. But literally asking "Can I have your daughter?" Seriously? Like how many goats are you offering in exchange? You're not saying "I would like your approval to ask your daughter to marry me," you're literally saying "would you please give me your daughter," like she's a used car or something.

And after that disturbing line, nothing else should really be a big deal, but "say yes, say yes, 'cause I need to know" makes no sense at all. If he says "yes," then you know. I f he says "no," then you also know. I f he says "it's not up to me, she's a grown woman and she can marry whomever she likes," then you know.  I need to know is not a reason to say yes. It's a reason to give an answer - any answer. I don't know why that sticks in my craw, but it does.

5. It takes a lot of gall for FOX employees like Tucker Carlson and administration bullshitters like Kellyanne Conway to go around acting all outraged about Harvey Weinstein and to complain about Hillary Clinton's response to recent revelations about his predatory nature. Here's the rule: If you never condemned Bill O'Reilly, if you never denounced Roger Ailes, and if you voted for, support, and/or work for Donald "grab 'em by the p***sy" Trump, you can just shut the fuck up about Weinstein, about Hillary, about Ben Affleck, about anyone involved in this horrible story. Sit the fuck down and shut the fuck up and don't ever presume to tell anyone else how they should react to these kind of shocking revelations. You have no credibility, you have no moral high ground, and you have no decency.

6. The same goes for Il Douche and any of jis minions who are trying to get Jemele Hill fired from ESPN.  You scumbags welcomed Ted Fucking Nugent into the White House. You made him a guest of honor at the State of the Union after he referred to President Obama as a "sub-human mongrel" and a "worthless punk" who should suck on a machine gun. So you don't get to say ANYTHING about Jemele Hill, and you sure as hell don't get to complain about LeBron James calling Dolt 45 a "bum." Just shut the fuck up, you have nothing to say.

7. Mike Ditka is proof positive that NFL players risk severe brain damage.

8. Eminem is still a dick.

Monday, October 9, 2017

Fuck Christopher Columbus and Fuck Bill O'Reilly

I'm not sure how Bill O'Reilly ever began to fancy himself an historian. Maybe he spent enough time with David Barton to think "well, hell, if this idiot can do it. . ."

At any rate, Bill decided to weigh in on the controversy over celebrating Columbus Day.

Bill O'Reilly: Killing Columbus and never learning your history

Oh, something tells me that title is going to turn out to be pretty ironic!

In Los Angeles County, the holiday of Columbus Day will soon vanish. The Board of Supervisors has replaced it with "Indigenous People's Day."
The reason: Christopher Columbus was "oppressive."
Kind of like the traffic in LA.

Ahahaha! Good one, Bill. Having to sit in traffic is totally like having your hands cut off because some asshole Spanish pirate isn't happy with the ammount of gold you brought him! Hahahaha go to hell.

The hate-Columbus movement is led by a woman named Sheila Kuehl, who once upon a time played Zelda Gilroy in the classic 1960s sitcom Dobie Gillis. It is hard to imagine Zelda, Dobie and their pal Maynard G. Krebs protesting the great explorer back then but, hey, who knows?

 Yeah, I don't think anyone is "leading" the "hate Columbus" "movement."

It's like saying someone is leading the "hate Charles Manson movement," or the "hate Harvey Weinstein movement" or the "hate Bill O'Reilly movement." But, putting that aside, what the fuck kind of pop-culture joke are you trying to make about Dovie Gillis and Maynard G. Krebs? You do know a joke has to be funny, right? I know you've spent a lot of time with Dennis Miller, but you can't just toss out a pop-culture reference and act like you're doing comedy. That's his bit.

One thing is for sure, the wave of political correctness that has taken root in America is way beyond "oppressive," but that's another column for another time.

 Yeah, I mean, it's getting to where you can't even tell your employees how much you'd like to rub a falafel over their naked bodies without getting into some kind of trouble!

Right now we have to deal with places like Los Angeles County, New York City, Denver and Albuquerque, N.M., disrespecting old Chris and, by extension, many Italian-Americans who celebrate Columbus Day as an ethnic holiday because the explorer was born in Genoa in 1451.

 Oh, well in that case, let's all celebrate Hitler! To disrespect Hitler is to disrespect, by extension, many German-Americans!
 And let's have a day for Meyer Lansky and Louis Buchalter. If we don't respect these two murderous thugs, we're not respecting the many Jewish-Americans who. . . well you get the point.

 For those who admire Christopher Columbus there is a feeling that the PC nitwits know little about him, and that is most likely the case

 And a happy opposite day to you too, Mr. O'Reilly!

First of all, "Indigenous People's Day" might sound good on the campus of U.C. Berkeley, but it may be troublesome. Yes, some native tribes were enlightened societies but many were not. After inter-indigenous battles, torture and enslavement were often on the menu for the losers.

Oh my God! Thank the great good lord that that sort of thing didn't happen in enlightened Western European societies!,c_limit/080225_r17107_p646.jpg 

(or doesn't still!)

And then there is Columbus himself. I am almost certain that the L.A. Board of Supervisors do not know that Chris never set foot on what is now mainland USA. Nope, the closest Columbus got was Cuba.

In fact, that's often one of the reasons given for why we shouldn't have Columbus Day

 Jeezus, there is nothing worse than a dumb guy getting all smug because he thinks he's smarter than everyone else. It's like when George W. Said something about "people who dis-assemble," then added "that means they don't tell the truth!" Like he was the only one in the room who knows what the word meant, even though he was the one getting it completely wrong. Arrgh! So aggravating!

 For the record, Columbus made four voyages across the Atlantic between 1492 and 1504. He was looking for a route to Asia so he could buy spices at a discount or something.

We all know why Columbus sailed. We also all know that he got it wrong, landed in the Caribbean, and thought he was in Indonesia. What a hero!

But Chris kept running into various Caribbean islands, also the formidable obstacles of South and Central America. There was no passage to the Far East, only an endless drifting around.

Now let's all have a fucking parade to celebrate Endless Drifting Around Day!!!

Along the way, Columbus ran into some Indian tribes, most notably the Caribes. They did not like Chris and his malodorous European crews. Strife broke out and some bad stuff went down on both sides.

Seriously? "Both sides?" You're seriously going to trot out "both sides?" 
Okay, you're a pretend historian, let's look at the actual historical record. 
Here's an entry from Chritopher Columbus's own diary:

They … brought us parrots and balls of cotton and spears and many other things, which they exchanged for the glass beads and hawks’ bells. They willingly traded everything they owned… . They do not bear arms, and do not know them, for I showed them a sword, they took it by the edge and cut themselves out of ignorance. They have no iron. Their spears are made of cane… . They would make fine servants…. With fifty men we could subjugate them all and make them do whatever we want.
 This is from a book Columbus wrote about his voyages:

 They Natives are very gentle and do not know what evil is, nor do they kill others, nor steal, and they are without weapons and so timid that a hundred of them flee from one of our men.

And here is the writing of a Catholic Priest (you're Catholic, you have to believe him) Father Bartolome' de Las Casas:

Endless testimonies . .. prove the mild and pacific temperament of the natives…. But our work was to exasperate, ravage, kill, mangle and destroy…

 So I don't know where the fuck you're getting this "both sides" bullshit. Also, even if in your shriveled little brain that Columbus and his men were met with violence, bear in mind that THEY WERE AN INVADING ARMY. They should have been met with force. But they weren't.

On the island of Hispaniola, present day Haiti and the Dominican Republic, Columbus did establish slavery to support various laborious enterprises. Not good. Slave labor was common at the time the world over, but that's no excuse.

Okay, there. That's it. We're done. Argument over. Columbus established slavery. That's enough. That's enough of a reason to not celebrate this man.

However, that was a minor part of the "Columbus business," as Hollywood would have put it if they were wooing him for a three-picture deal. Mostly, Columbus was a brilliant navigator who opened up the world for travel. No small achievement.

 Oh, fer fuck sake! First of all, stop trying to be funny. You're not funny. You're not clever. You're not witty. Just stop. 

 Secondly, how brilliant a navigator was he? He sailed West from Spain and eventually ran into a land mass that he had no way of knowing was there. How is that an accomplishment? I mean, if he had found the passage to India he set out to discover, you might have an argument there, but he literally just stumbled into land that he had never intended to arrive on. You're right that it was "no small achievement," it wasn't an achievement at all.

We now live in a time where severely misguided people with little frame of reference are dictating how history should be told and what Americans have a right to see and hear. And if you disagree with them, then you, yourself, are "oppressive." And they'll cover up your statue.

That's what you're doing. You're doing it right now. You're trying to dictate how the story of Columbus should be told. You're doing the exact thing you're complaining about!

Christopher Columbus was not a villain and does not deserve the vilification the PC police are heaping upon him. Every person on the planet has done bad things, but it is the totality of a human being that should be the litmus test.

 Oh my God. Are you fucking serious? "Every person has done bad things?" Are you serious? I mean, there's bad things - there's swearing in front of your mom, there's cheating at poker, there's lying to get out of jury duty -  and then there's bad things like this:

"The Spaniards forced their way into Native settlements, slaughtering everyone they found there, including small children, old men, pregnant women, and even women who had just given birth. They hacked them to pieces, slicing open their bellies with their swords as though they were so many sheep herded into a pen. They even laid wagers on whether they could manage to slice a man in two at a stroke, or cut an individual?s head from his body, or disembowel him with a single blow of their axes. They grabbed suckling infants by the feet and, ripping them from their mothers breasts, dashed them headlong against the rocks."
--- Pg 15 Bartolome De las Casas

 How many good things would you have to do to balance that out? It wouldn't be possible. Jesus Christ and Mother Theresa together couldn't do enough good to counter that horror.

 "All those who could do so took to the hills and mountains in order to escape the clutches of these merciless and inhuman butchers, these mortal enemies of human kind trained hunting dogs to track them down. Wild dogs who would savage a Native to death as soon as look at him, tearing him to shreds and devouring his flesh as though we were a pig."

--Pg 16 Bartolome De las Casas

Oh, and if shockingly brutal violence isn't enough, there's also this:

In 1500,A hundred Castellanoes (Spanish Coin) are as easily obtained for a woman as for a farm, and it is very general about there are plenty of dealers who go about looking for girls; those from the ages 9 and 10 are now in demand, and for all ages a good price must be paid.

--Pg 102 Christopher Columbus

 Yeah. Selling 9 and 10-year-old girls as sex slaves. That's your "great explorer" in action.

Amd this is how Columbus extorted gold from the native people for his own enrichment:

"They tortured him with the strappado, put burning tallow on his belly, pinned both his legs to poles with iron hoops and his neck with another and then, with two men holding his hands, proceeded to burn the soles of his feet. From time to time, the commander would look in and repeat that they would torture him to death slowly unless he produced more Gold."
--Pg 117 Bartolome De las Casas
So, you say Columbus was "not a villain." Let's let someone who was there have the last word:

"Such in humanities and Barbarisms were committed in my sight as no age can parallel. My eyes have seen these acts so foreign to human nature that I now tremble as I write."

--Bartolome De Las Casas

What we committed in the Indies stands out among the most unpardonable offenses ever committed against God and mankind, and this trade as one of the most unjust Evil and cruel among them.
--Pg 31 Bartolome De las Casas.

Tuesday, October 3, 2017

How will we explain ourselves to future generations?

How are we going to explain ourselves to future generations? What are we going to tell our grandkids when they ask us why we allowed things to get this fucked up? (Full disclosure, I have no kids, so it will be my grand-nieces and nephews I'll have to answer to.) When they ask us why we allowed mass shootings to become a regular occurrence, what will we tell them? That we knew how to stop this, that Australia had provided the blueprint for stopping mass shootings with military-style assault weapons, but we chose not to act? Why? Why did our generation decide to accept this as the norm? What are we going to say/ "Well, we had a ban on these horrific death machines, but we made a conscious choice to let it expire? Because a very small group of people thought that being allowed to stockpile weapons of war meant 'freedom,' and we were afraid of offending them? It was better to let one of these lunatics snap and murder a few dozen people every once in a while than to have a serious adult discussion about the limits of freedom?"

What are we going to tell them when they ask why the government didn't do anything to help? "Well, kiddo, you see, a bunch of Congressmen and Senators were getting money from the gun lunatics, so they wouldn't do anything to stem the flow of money into the gun makers' pockets or the flow of death and misery onto the streets of America?" And when they say "why didn't you just vote these guys out and vote in someone sane?" What will we say?

Will we tell them about all the thoughts and prayers we sent after each mass murder?

And what will we say when they find out there used to be a time when it was unusual for large parts of the US to be underwater? Will we let them assume that we didn't know any better? Or will we be honest and tell them that we knew exactly what was happening. That we had scientists who spent their lives studying this exact phenomenon and they warned us what was going to happen and we just sat there and watched it happen? Will we tell them that there were some people who chose not to believe the experts? And that as a society, we made a conscious decision to humor them? That we decided to pretend that there were two sides to the story and each side should have equal weight? That the men and women who had spent their adult lives studying climatology were given the same weight as your Facebook aunt who says that global warming isn't in the Bible so it can't be true?

And when they ask "were the people who chose not to believe such a huge majority that their willful ignorance could not be overcome?" Will we admit that they were actually a minority? That most of us knew better, we just decided it wasn't worth doing anything about?

How will we look them in the eye? How will we justify our inaction? What defense will we offer when they curse our stupidity and cowardice? What will we tell them?