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Friday, December 8, 2017

Okay, who is this lady?

So I see Janet Porter was on the teevee again. this time with Anderson Cooper.

She is apparently an official spokeswoman for Roy Moore who knows pretty much zero about Roy Moore, except that all the allegations against him are false.

And she combines so many of the right-wing talking head styles into her own melange.
She's got some of the Mike Pence "I'm just do disappointed in you" condescension.
She's got a bit of the Kellyanne Conway "I've practiced this lie in the mirror so many times that I've started to believe it" dead eyed  cult-member affect.
There's a soupcon of the Ross Perot "Can I get a word in edgewise?" whine.
And a heaping helping of the Sarah Huckabee-Sanders "How dare you question this great man?" umbrage.
Oh, she's a pip, all right!

“Does Judge Moore still believe that homosexual conduct should be illegal and homosexuality is still the same thing at beastiality?” Cooper asked.
“I can’t answer that question,” she replied.

“Does he still believe 9/11 may have happened because, quote, we distanced ourselves from God?” Cooper continued. “That’s what he said in the past. Does he still believe that?”
“I don’t know the answer, no,” Porter finally admitted.
“Does he still believe Barack Obama wasn’t born in the United States?” Cooper asked.
“You know what,” Porter replied, waving the question away, “that issue has kind of come and gone.”

Oh, that is just bang-up work there! Great spokeswomaning, Janet!

“Does he still believe that the U.S. is ‘the focus of evil in the world’ because of same-sex marriage?” Cooper queried. 
“You can ridicule his biblical beliefs if you want,” Porter replied,

I can? Cool!
Okay, here goes.
Ahahahahaha!!!You believe that all of the world's problems are the result of a naked lady taking some bad advice from a talking snake! Ahahahaha!!!

You think that the Almighty ruler of the universe has nothing bigger to worry about than what people do with their wee wees and hoo hoos! Ahahahahaha!.

Ahhhh, that was fun. Thanks, Janet.

Anyway, this all got me wondering who is Janet Porter?

Well, according to Wikipedia:
Janet L. Folger Porter (born October 13, 1962)[2] is an American conservative activist who is the founder and president of conservative group Faith2Action. . . She has also written a column for WorldNetDaily since 2007,

Wing Nut Daily? Ahahahahaha!!! What, was the Weekly World News not hiring?


Okay, so what is "Faith2Action?"
Well, for starters, they seem to be sponsored by some incredibly honest advertisers:

Because, as we all know, this is exactly what a 6-week-old fetus looks like.
Aww, he's so adorable! Let's look at another of these little cutie pies

But obviously this heartbeat bill organization is on the up-and-up, because when you click on the adorable baby, you get this:

Send cards to every Member of Congress!
(535 personalized, printed, color cards, will be mailed to each office from you) $59.95

So it's not like they have some sort of ulterior motive or anything.

 And on the Fath2Action website's "About Janet Porter" section, I found this bit of biographical information:

Janet has authored five books including: The Criminalization of Christianity, True to Life, and What’s a Girl to Do While Waiting for Mr. Right?  Janet has received an Honorary Doctorate Degree in Christian Humanitarian Service from the South Florida Bible College and Theological Seminary. 

Because she couldn't get into Hollywood Upstairs Medical College?

So she's an author, eh? Well I went to Amazon to check out one of her fine, well-written, not at all insane screeds books.
(This was written under her maiden name, Janet Folger)

Here's the blurb:

There is a war going on for the future of our country. Most people know that. What they may not know is that if Christians lose, the result won't merely be enduring public policy we disagree with - it will be a prison sentence for those who oppose it. [claim based on nothing] We've all seen the attack coming. First the Supreme Court said kids can't pray in school. [untrue. Kids can pray all they want, their teachers just can't lead them in prayer. Every classroom in America is filled with kids praying "please don't let her call on me."]Then the Ten Commandments were ripped from the classrooms. Now pastors are being removed from their pulpits and put in jail for speaking out against homosexuality [except that that has never happened once in the history of the U.S. Not once.] (Sweden). [oh. I thought you said this was a battle for OUR country. Also, I doubt that happened in Sweden either] And things are only getting worse. How in the world did we get to this place? And why is it that Christians are singled out in this assault on morality? Serving as a wake-up call for America, this book will expose the truth that Christianity is being criminalized - and that we must stand up against it

Oh my God, that is horrible. Those poor Christians! It must be so hard being as persecuted minority that . . .I'm sorry, what? Majority? A slim majority? Oh, Christians make up the vast majority of the population of the United States? Really?

 So. . . it's like apartheid? Where the minority group has all the power and oppresses the majority? Like, I'm sure there must be no Christians in Congress, right?

Hmmm. I'm beginning to think her thesis may not be sound.

Maybe she's more coherent on other subject matters. Let's take a look at some of her columns.

How same-sex marriage points to end of the world

Exclusive: Janet Folger looks to rabbinical wisdom,
New Testament to interpret California's court ruling


As I wrote about in my book, “The Criminalization of Christianity,” Jeffrey Satinover, who holds an M.D. from Princeton and doctorates from Yale, MIT and Harvard, was on my radio program one day and I asked him about where we are in history. He explained that according to the “Babylonian Talmud” – the book of rabbis’ interpretation of the scriptures 1,000 years before Christ, there was only one time in history that reflects where we are right now. There was only one time in history, according to these writings, where men were given in marriage to men, and women given in marriage to women.

And if anyone had a firm grasp of social history, it was Babylonian rabbis in 1000 BC!

Want to venture a guess as to when? No, it wasn’t in Sodom and Gomorrah, although that was my guess. Homosexuality was rampant there, of course, but according to the Talmud, not homosexual “marriage.” What about ancient Greece? Rome? No. Babylon? No again. The one time in history when homosexual “marriage” was practiced was … during the days of Noah. And according to Satinover, that’s what the “Babylonian Talmud” attributes as the final straw that led to the Flood

I mean, sure, it isn't mentioned in the Bible. At all. But what else could have gotten God so mad? It's basic logic! Whenever something is not mentioned in Scripture, just go ahead and assume it's gay marriage.
Now, is there any historical record of any antediluvian societies allowing same-sex marriage? Well, no, silly! These records got super water-damaged what with all the flooding and whatnot. But I think we can fill in the blanks.

Does it look like I got room for records storage in here?

But, he said, the Talmud’s writings reveal that “before the Flood people started to write marriage contracts between men, in other words, homosexual ‘marriage,’ which is more than homosexual activity – it’s giving an official state stamp of approval, a sanctification … of homosexual partnership.”
In fact, he said, “the writings indicated that it wasn’t even so much the ‘straw that broke the camel’s back,’ but that the sin in and of itself is so contrary to why God created the world, so contrary to the order of God’s nature, that God said then and there ‘I have to start all over … to annihilate the world and start from the beginning. …'”


Augh! I forgot I was going to put the hetero gene in everybody this time!

Okay, so I guess she's not an expert on gay marriage ending the world. What else does she got?

Communism scheduled for a vote in Senate

Exclusive: Janet Porter shares 1992 account about Soviet 'Barack' being groomed

Ohhhhh. She's just a lunatic! Got it. Makes perfect sense.

Wednesday, December 6, 2017

America is done

America is done because this is a thing that can actually occur in this country now:

Spokeswoman Defends Roy Moore By Touting ‘Non-Accusers’

 An actual paid spokeswoman for an actual United States Senate candidate, a candidate with an actual good chance of winning, mind you, can actually go on an actual news program and say this:

Discussing the multiple allegations against Moore, Jane Porter told CNN’s Poppy Harlow “we need to make it clear, there’s a group of non-accusers, that have not accused the judge of anything illegal.”


I thought the defenders of Roy Moore had hit the bottom of the barrel when that minister guy said that while Moore was in Vietnam all the women his age got married to other fellas, so what was he gonna do, NOT feel up a middle-schooler?

“All of the ladies, or many of the ladies that he possibly could have married, were not available then, they were already married, maybe, somewhere,” said Benham.
This meant Moore had to look “in a different direction,” said Benham
“He did that because there is something about a purity of a young woman, there is something that is good, that’s true, that’s straight and he looked for that,” Benham said.

Ohhh my God, that is so horrible! Ohhhhh, I don't even want to think about it. These young ladies are so good and pure and innocent - what 34-year-old man wouldn't want to stick his dick in them?

But anyway, I thought that was the bottom of the barrel until this lady comes out with the "what about all the girls he didn't molest?" defense.
Hey, what about all the banks we didn't rob, hmm? Case dismissed, am I right?

I mean, America is just done. There's no coming back from this.

America is also done because an actual woman could actually write this in 2017 and get it published on a reputable site (at least it used to be.)

The Upside of Office Flirtation?

I’m living it.

Okay, so there's not necessarily anything wrong with "office flirtation." If Bob from IT flirts with Susan from accounts payable, there's probably nothing wrong with that. As long as they're peers and as long as Susan doesn't tell Bob to get lost.

This on the other hand. . .

When I was 23 years old, my boss would look down the gap at the waistband of my jeans when he walked past my desk. I was an entry-level fact-checker at my first magazine job, and he was an older and more powerful editor. My career, at the time, was in his hands. Once, when we had finished working on a story together, he suggested we get a drink to celebrate. It was a Friday night, and I remember feeling extremely nervous as we sat across from each other in a dark bar. He was flirting with me, I could tell. The next weekend, he asked me out again. A few days later, he kissed me on the steps of the West 4th subway station without first getting my consent. We’ve now been happily married for 14 years and have three children.

Okay, first of all, a creepy lech trying to sneak a peek at your butt crack is NOT "flirting." And a man who "holds your career in his hands" inviting you for a drink is NOT okay. Because you probably felt like you couldn't say "no," right? So it's really not fair, is it? What if this disturbing, lecherous ass-looker hadn't been your dream man? What if you had been, say, a normal person who found his actions repulsive? And you'd still probably feel obligated to go with him for that "celebratory" drink, right? And, being a normal person, you'd probably be creeped out the whole time, right? And then you'd have to decide whether it was worth continuing to work there if this lecher is going to be there every day leering at you and trying to get you to go out with him. And you'd have to think about what would happen if you report him - would they believe you? Would you be fired? I mean, seriously, nothing good comes from a boss asking his employee to go to a bar with him after hours.

If a younger woman asks an older and more professionally powerful man for job advice, and that man ends up hitting on the woman, is that on its own harassment?

Yeah. If she goes to this guy in a professional capacity and he turns that into an opportunity to try to get laid? And he's got all the power in that situation? Yeah, how would that not be harassment?

Is it always wrong when a man is attracted to a woman at work, and acts on that attraction?
 Oh my God, seriously?
No, it is not wrong for a man to be attracted to a co-worker. It all depends on whether they are co-workers or one is the other's boss or outranks the other, and it depends on whether "acting on the attraction" consists of saying "hey, Susan, wanna go out this weekend?" or if you're Matt Lauer walking around the office with your dick out. And I think you know all this.
You know, this is the same bullshit I remember hearing from guys at work during the Clarence Thomas/Anita Hill hearings. "Oh, man, no one know what you can even say anymore." "You can't even give someone a compliment!"And sadly, I expect that kind of bullshit from guys, but from a lady person?

But really, maybe the main reason that America is finished is because of shit like this:

When there is a large percentage of Americans who believe shit like "white people are being oppressed," there's just no future for a country like that. And frankly, no future is deserved. 

Thursday, November 30, 2017

Dumb Things I saw Online

Whaaaaaat?? The pretty actress is attractive in real life too?
Oh, I never would have guessed because in the first picture she's wearing glasses so I couldn't possibly tell that she's a pretty actress! Just like I can't recognize Superman when he puts on a pair of spectacles.Oh, Superman you're a master of disguise!

Dumb thing # 2:

There is a website called CNS News. I don't know what CNS stands for, Crazy Nutjob Sociopaths, maybe? But pretty much EVERYTHING on this site is dumb. Dumb, dunb, dumb, dumb, dumb. And sometimes oddensive. But mostly dumb. Here's an example:

Charles Manson – The Penultimate Expression of the Progressive Worldview

Alex McFarland
By Alex McFarland | November 27, 2017 | 11:23 AM EST

Does Alex McFarland know what the word "penultimate" means?
He does not.
But that may be the least dumb part of this article.

He starts out by talking about how scary and evil Charles Manson was (low hanging fruit) concluding with this bold assessment:

 Manson’s documented history, the threatening, rambling interviews he would occasionally grant journalists, plus his immeasurably sinister demeanor all led to one conclusion: This guy is evil personified.

Ooh, going out on a limb there, Alex!

Then we get to the heart of the matter:


Manson’s life and legacy: Progressives should be proud
In recent years the country has grown less moral, less religious and less civilized. Traditional marriage is down, the institution itself has been redefined by the courts, belief in objective ethical boundaries is scorned in many classrooms, and there are more terror attacks and shootings than we can mentally—or emotionally—process. The country is less safe, less stable, and less … American.

Okay, for starters, America is a nation built on the twin horrors of slavery and genocide. Stability and safety are NOT quintessentially American qualities. The history of America is war violence and bloodshed.

And whose fault is it that there are more shootings than we can process? The NRA? The Republicans who do their bidding? A culture that fetishizes guns? Haha, just kidding. Obviously it's Hillary's fault!

But this re-imagined, dystopian America is the hard-won prize given us by the ACLU, American Atheists, Hillary Clinton, Al Franken and the left.

Oh, and Al Franken too, of course -  because. . . um. . . I guess because he's been in the news lately?

I mean, clearly it is the fault of the left that moral values are on the decline. Obviously it was the left that put a thrice3-married, serial adulterizing, admitted sex offender in the White House. And we all know it's the left that is tying themselves into rhetorical knots to defend a candidate who spent his 30's molesting junior-high-school girls.

America as it stands today is the fruit of decades of effort by these voices, not to mention secularists in the media, Hollywood, and countless professors at public universities who encourage their students toward the noble life of warring for “social justice”—as they alone define it.

 Yes, fighting for social justice. Fighting for racial and gender equality, for an end to discrimination against LGBT people. You know who else shared those lofty goals? Charles Manson!

Wait, did he? I mean, I've never actually read Helter Skelter, but I'm fairly sure that Manson was not trying to promote any sort of social justice. He was more about manipulating young people in to acting out against people he felt had wronged him. He was really more into getting vulnerable youth to commit violence towards people against whom he nursed a grudge. Damn, a few million dollars and a bad combover he could be Trump!

Also, if you're going to make the totally reasonable claim that terrorist attacks and mass shootings are the result of college professors agitating for justice, you might want to back that up with . . . I don't know, something? Anything? I mean, I get what you're saying. I get that neo-nazis running down an innocent woman with a car is the fault of Hollywood and state colleges, but for the lefty-looseys who sometimes read this blog, maybe some sort of evidence might be needed?

Think of how Charles Manson could rightly be seen as the penultimate expression of the progressive’s worldview

Think of how Charles Manson could rightly be seen as the penultimate expression of the progressive’s worldview: He was his own God. In fact, he sometimes claimed to be God.

Right. Good point. Just like every progressive from FDR to Bernie Sanders has claimed to be God. Oh, wait. I'm thinking of Jim Jones and David Koresh! Sorry!

Manson rejected organized religion, claiming he was both Jesus Christ and/or the Messiah. When he did quote the Bible, Manson misquoted it, twisted the words, and handled it selectively and self-servingly.

Really? Misquoted Scripture? Handled it selectively and self-servingly? Twisted the Words?
You mean like, for instance, using scripture to justify a 34-year-old man molesting a 14-year-old girl? Or using vague references to "sexual immorality" to determine that God condemns the gays?
That kind of selective twisting? Oh yeah, that just totally screams "progressives!"

Manson bragged he could start wars, purge and remake the culture, and preside over a world-wide reckoning.

Hmm, sounds a lot like someone we all know. . .

Someone who claims he can Make a nation Great again, can re-order the world so that his nation is atop the heap. Someone who casually tosses off threats to annihilate other nations entirely. Hmm, who could that progressive leader be?

Anyway, this post was going to be a lot longer, there were going to be more dumb things, but this article is so goddamm stupid that it broke my brain.

Wednesday, November 22, 2017

Annual Black Friday Rant

(yes, it's a re-run)

About this time each year, the FOX crowd starts trotting out their "War on Christmas" bs machine.

 Oh, they will fight to the death to defend Christmas from the imagined "attacks" it faces from people who, um. . . are willing to acknowledge that some people celebrate other holidays?

Or folks who want to maintain the separation of Church and State?
Oh no,  wait, I mean INFIDELS!!!! AMERICA-HATING INFIDELS!!!!!

And every Spring they pretend there's a "War on Easter" to be fought.

Heck, they've even discovered a "War on Halloween"

Even though the only people who tend to object to Halloween are evangelical Christians who object to the holiday's pagan roots and scary "occultic" overtones. In other words, FOX news viewers.

But what about Thanksgiving?

Because Thanksgiving is actually under attack by the obscene spectacle known as "Black Friday." People are actually having their Thanksgivings taken away from them by stores who now not only insist that their employees be at work before the crack of dawn the day after, but now don't even close for Thanksgiving itself.

Where is the outrage on the right?

Why does the "pro-family" crowd raise no objection to people being deprived of family time in the service of feeding America's frenzy of acquisitiveness and materialism?

What's a bigger affront to holiday tradition, a cashier wishing you "Happy Holidays" or having a Thanksgiving that goes like this:  "Gee, Grandma, everything smells so good, you've really outdone yourself this year. . . well, got to go sell some cheap electronics or I'll be unemployed. See you at Christmas hopefully!"

Well, time for me to go.  Those remote control drones aren't going to sell themselves!

Every year it gets worse and worse. The entire concept of "Black Friday" is grotesque enough to begin with. Once the term "Black Friday" went from being backroom retailer jargon to part of the everyday lexicon of normal people, we lost a part of our national soul. Once flyers began proudly announcing "Black Friday Sales!" we as a society should have stood up and said "No! We will not create a holiday based on celebrating your corporate profitability!" But we didn't. We allowed this indignity to infect our culture and it quickly spread like a cancer.

First it spread to Midnight of Thanksgiving day. Which of course meant that store employees were forced to leave their families by 10 or 11 that evening.

Then the stores began opening earlier and earlier Thursday evening until they got to the point where many stay open the entire holiday. As if it were just another day to make sales.

So where are the FOX News special reports on the "War on Thanksgiving?" Why does the one holiday that is actually under attack not see the same umbrage raised  as those holidays whose attacks are pure fiction?

Could it be because this war is being waged by large powerful corporations in the interest of increased profits? Instead of by "secular humanists" or whichever right-wing bogeymen are launching the imaginary wars on other holidays? Nah. . . couldn't be.

Monday, November 20, 2017

What it takes to make a sane person (me) side with a mango-hued shitgibbon

How did this happen?
How do I find myself on the same side as Il Douche?
How is it that there is a conflict between President Cartman and another person and I'm thinking that the other person is in the wrong?

I mean, the only way that could possibly happen is if that other person is an even bigger jackass than Cheeto Mussolini.
That could mean only one thing.

This guy is involved:

Yes, the braying jackass who is the latest person to have a Twitter feud with Dolt 45 is the preposterous Lavar Ball.

If you're not a basketball fan, this is who Lavar Ball is:

He is the father of a fairly talented NBA rookie named Lonzo Ball. A rookie who would be otherwise unremarkable had not his extravagantly ridiculous boob of a father not repeatedly made a spectacle of himself by publicly excoriating his son's collegiate coaches for not realizing the god-like prodigiousness of his son's basketball abilities and for allowing players other than Lonzo to sometimes touch the ball or even take a shot now and then.

And Lavar has famously said things like this about his son:

“I’ll tell you right now, he’s better than Steph Curry"

Forthe non-basketball fans, Steph Curry is the two-time NBA Most Valuable Player who has led his team to the last 3 NBA championships, winning 2 of the three.

 He is also considered by many to be the greatest shooter in NBA history.
 And the father of this little bundle of squeeee!

 But Lavar Ball said this about his son while he was a freshman at UCLA. No pressure, kid!

“To me ‘Zo is the best player in the world. … I don’t know if he can beat (LeBron James and Russell Westbrook) one on one, but I know he can beat them 5 on 5.”

Again, for the uninitiated, James and Westbrook are two of the best players of this or any era, both are sure bets to be voted into the Hall of Fame.

But, sure, his son is obviously better than either of these two guys, right?

Lonzo Ball can't make a shot. How much should Lakers fans be worried?

Ball is off to the coldest start in NBA history. But that doesn’t mean he’s a bust.

Ooooh, ouch!

Of course, I'm not sure we should really expect expert analysis from a man who made this claim:

“Back in my heyday, I would kill Michael Jordan one-on-one.”

despite never having played in the NBA and averaging an entire TWO POINTS per game in college.

And that is really just the tip of the iceberg for this half-witted nincompoop who never saw a camera or microphone he couldn't get in front of. If you want a chuckle, you can read a few more of his quotable quotes here:

Anyway, that's the guy who's got Twitter beef with Orange Julius Caesar. And for the first time probably ever, someone is going up against tRump and is actually the guy in the wrong.

A little background. Ball's other son and two of his UCLA teammates were arrested for shoplifting at a mall in China. They were facing up to 10 years in Chinese prison. Hair Furor made a call to the Chinese government and got them released. End of story, right? Well, you'd think so. But then I saw this on Twitter.

Which is really beneath the dignity of the office, but we're pretty much used to that. I mean, really it's so pathetically needy, so desperate for validation, but he does have a point. (God damn, I never thought I'd say that) these three young men really should thank the guy who saved their asses from Chinese prison. And thank him they did,at a press conference later that day.

"To President Trump and the United States government, thank you for taking the time to intervene on our behalf," he added. "We really appreciate you helping us out." (

And that was that.
End of story, and everyone lives happily ever after.

No, of course not, because we are dealing with the two biggest jackasses in America here.
So I guess I shouldn't have been surprised to see this Tweet:

Seriously? Ball is being a dick about this?

"Who?" Ball told ESPN when asked about Trump's role in the situation. "What was he over there for? Don't tell me nothing. Everybody wants to make it seem like he helped me out."

Really? I mean, look, I hate the guy too, but he did get your son out of prison.
I mean, if Charles Manson somehow got my son out of prison I'd be all like "thank you, Mr. Manson. thank you very much, Mr. Manson," and then I'd go right back to thinking he's a bag of scum. (update: a dead bag of scum)

“As long as my boy’s back here, I’m fine,” Ball told ESPN. “I’m happy with how things were handled. A lot of people like to say a lot of things that they thought happened over there. Like I told him, ‘They try to make a big deal out of nothing sometimes.’ I’m from L.A. I’ve seen a lot worse things happen than a guy taking some glasses.

What the?
How is that the point?
Whether taking glasses is a "big deal" or not, your son was ARRESTED for it, your son was facing JAIL TIME for it. Whether you think that jail time was warranted is absolutely not relevant  at all.

“Did he go visit them in jail?” Ball asked. “Did you go visit them in jail? If you went to visit them in jail then I would say, ‘Thank you.’”

Did he visit them?!?! Did he visit them?!?!

The man is the President of the United States

Sorry. That's hard for me to say, but it's true Donald "grab 'em by the p***sy" Trump is the President of the United States of America

You think the President should have taken time out of his busy schedule of embarrassing our nation on a world stage to go visit some shoplifters in jail? Who the fuck do you think you are? You think your stupid shoplifting son is so important that visiting his dumb thieving ass in jail should be some sort of priority for the President of the United States?

God damn it Ball, look what you've made me do!
You've got me siding with the Orange Menace!
You're in a beef with the giant toddler and I'M ON HIS SIDE.